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A holiday

July 25, 2008

I haven’t been creating much, though I have a lot of ideas. And some work that I could do, but right now I’m just taking a break. I think I’ve been burned out since last year and it just finally made me snap. Luckily I’ve snapped out of it. Which is funny, because that’s a lot of snapping.

Any way, my year has been shit for the most part. And by ‘year’ I mean from August till now. Bad anxiety, bad mood, bad outlook, etc. It’s really not a fun thing to constantly see the bad in every situation and while I have a bit of a reputation for doing that–in this case it was more than a little morbid. I could ‘see’ bad things happening which made me panic.

Gastritis doesn’t help as it made me feel worse physically than I already did before. On the good side, I’ve lost almost 50lbs so far and am still losing it. So, I guess that’s good. Shame I had to have something bad happen that didn’t help my temperament.

So, lately I’ve been putting myself back together mentally and it’s not been an easy process, but I’ve quit taking the lorazepam as I don’t need it. I’m learning not to hold stuff back, well, mostly. I’m re-forging my psyche, I guess. If you want to be dramatic about it.

That’s been my whole problem, though, I’ve let stuff build and I don’t share it with anyone. Even my closest friends. I guess I’m afraid they won’t understand or they’ll think I’m nuts, or…whatever. Anyway…that’s what has been happening to me. I feel a lot better and I’ve been a lot more positive. Except this sunburn is killing me.

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