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November 30, 2008

You know, as much as I’ve wanted one I think I’m coming to the conclusion that no–I don’t want one. Or at least that I’d be terrible in one so it’s not worth trying anymore. What brought this up was a text message from a ‘friend’ whom I deleted because she went all lovey dovey in her relationship and ignored me for the relationship. I have no problem with this in theory. Just…at least show some signs of life every now and then. I haven’t spoken to this friend in months so I deleted her name in my cell and blah blah blah fuck all else.

And then I’ve got other friends whose relationships are pieces of work as well and I begin to think to myself, “Why would I want that?” Really, why would I want something where you can easily backstab/cheat/ignore the world around you? I mean, hell, one day the person just may not have feelings for you anymore. What’s the appeal? Really. Sell me on this concept of backstabbing douchebaggery, because I’m having a really hard time wanting one now.

Yes, it’s taken me this long to figure it out, because I’m a hopeful sort and generally believe that things could work out for the best and I won’t be ‘one of them.’ But I fear that I would be. I like my space, I don’t believe in burying myself up to my neck in a relationship, and I hate the lying that a relationship involves.

I honestly think the years of talking to my friends and brother about their relationships have ruined the idea of a relationship for me. So thanks! Oh and let’s not forget the folks. They’ve been a stellar example as well. That’s not to say I’m angry at them, but it didn’t help.

So, my friends, take heart; your marriages/perfect relationships/engagements are fleeting.

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