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The Novelty Of Failure

March 23, 2010

I find it weird how someone can come into your life and turn it so completely on its head and you’re left with a damaged psyche for a while. The incident I’m speaking of is one that shaped me as negatively as any that I’ve ever experienced. You see, I had this friend, Melissa, and we were really good friends or so I thought. I won’t go into all of what happened but the short end of this story is: we’re no longer friends and I never knew why until now.

This is going to sound much worse than it’s meant to, but…okay, she was under the impression I was stalking her. How she gleamed such info…I have no clue. I will cop to calling a lot, but I considered her a close/best friend. That I am guilty of. Stalking…’ehh…not so much. Anyway, she had her grandmother accuse me of…something which I have no clue about and then when I tried to get an explanation of what was going on she just brushed it off like someone else was talking shit about her, blah blah blah. If I were the cynic then that I am today I’d probably have seen what was happening, but this was ten years ago and I was a lot more trusting.

So, after that I was pissed, I was heartbroken, and that whole thing cut me very deep and I still think about it and what went wrong. I can honestly say I don’t know what happened. I never got an explanation outside of her friend, Angela, who actually takes my side despite being her best friend. Weird. For years I wouldn’t trust to get close to anyone and as for calling people…psh…if they weren’t family or friends already I shied away from it. That single event is probably what screwed up my already screwed up social life.

Truthfully I prefer to talk to people and get to know them as a person and I just…didn’t do that until around 2005. And I’m still recovering. I guess I should just let this go and I want to, but it’ll always be there lurking at the back of my mind. I guess to a certain extent I let this happen and continue to repeat itself in my mind, but I don’t think I got any resolution to it. I just got half-assed explanations and hearsay which isn’t the same.

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