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RIP Kasey

July 15, 2010

I wish I could find the right words right now. And I wish, too, that I were religious because this would be so much easier to write than it is. I just recently learned of Kasey’s death and was out of the loop. I thought she was fine and just out of touch recently. I thought. I thought. I dunno what I was thinking. I thought that you, Kasey, had just forgotten my birthday and I texted you, “Did you die?” You know, when people ask that in a semi-sarcastic manner, it’s supposed to be a joke. It’s not supposed to be reality. I feel horrible for saying that, but at the time it seemed okay. So maybe I shouldn’t beat myself up over that too much.

I’m angry and I’m sad and all of these things because of her. I didn’t think the angry sadness was possible, but there it is. Consider me pissed sad. See, you didn’t have to die. If you wouldn’t have put yourself in that position we’d be chatting today, laughing, smiling. You always did make me smile as you actually did ‘get’ me and I got you. That’s what made our friendship so special to me. But, I guess life and friendships are like that: mini-tragedies waiting to happen. I don’t know what else to say as I still am treating the manner of your death as a mostly private matter that I’ve only shared with a few friends who knew I was grieving.

I wish I could have said something or known or something! Why’d it have to be you? Why’d it have to happen this way?! Fuck. That’s all for now. Just know that I loved you and cared for you and I hope that if there is an afterlife that I’ll see you one day.

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