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Imitation Cheese

August 18, 2010

I found out that my friend died of an accidental methadone overdose today. Yes, the toxicology reports came back and apparently that’s what happened. I’d say I’m sad now, which I am, but I’m angry and disappointed. I’ve already grieved and I already think about her at least once a day and blah blah blah. It just seems so pointless. She was an Atheist and I’m an Atheist. I wish she wouldn’t have taken those percocets. I wish she’d had some sense on the night before she died, but she didn’t. And for that I am truly sorry. I’m sorry I never got to tell her how much she meant to me.

I’m sorry that she can’t be here and most of all I’m sorry that fuckhead of a boyfriend didn’t stop her when he could have. Nooo….he went along. He has the bank receipt for the money she withdrew to buy the drugs. I hold him mostly responsible, because no one was there to say ‘no’. No one told her not to take those drugs. So, you wanna know why I’m angry? Take your pick. There was so much failure that night. The boyfriend didn’t do all he could do help. She didn’t help herself and she paid the highest price of all. I absolutely hate this situation. And worst of all is that none of this anger or disappointment matters.

It’s not like I’ll ever be able to tell her. Unless you believe in an afterlife and since I don’t…well…yeah…no second chances.

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