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What Is This?

May 18, 2011

I’m beginning to think that this is a mental disorder that I have. Maybe fear of commitment? Let’s run it down so it can seem very crazy. Okay, when I’m attracted to a female I’m really, really into her. But as I get to know her I begin to find things I do not like like her constant complaining about a job she only works part-time with. That kind of stuff. Or maybe how she spells a word. Yes, it’s a stupid thing to hate someone over but it goes more like this, “I thought she was smart. She can’t even spell a simple word properly. Man, she lied to me!” That kind of stuff.

It really bothers me because invariably it happens and I lose whatever attraction I had for the person and then either continue on and lie or get rid of them somehow. I dunno, is this making sense? Do mature people do this? I dunno. I think it has something to do with fear and self-loathing. Fear that someone might actually have feelings for you and self-loathing because…well…they’re obviously fucking nuts to want you. Amiright? Anyone else do this?

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