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Excessive Guilt And War Bonds

July 25, 2011

As I’m drinking my coffee and listening to the Eels I’m struck with the thought: It wouldn’t be very hard to get me to do what you want or at least get me to want to do what you want if only I had the means. You see, I suffer from excessive guilt; not just feeling it for saying no, but also guilt for saying yes. Or for for doing what I want. Or for doing what someone else wants. Or for not doing enough. Or…whatever. Hey, if it involves making a choice I will invariably feel guilty for doing it or for not doing it.

The really sad part is that I’m not sure how I got to this point because there was a time where I wouldn’t feel guilty for doing things that would benefit me or for doing things that helped friends out. I guess the good part in this whole equation is that I can pinpoint where it stems from: my need to help and that I don’t like letting anyone down–even when it would be to my own detriment.

There are some problems in thinking this way, naturally and chief among them is that you can’t please everybody at all times. Intellectually I know that, but mentally I still feel the crack of the guilt whip. I honestly don’t know how to break out of this loop, though, which is the real shame because I have the feeling that if I continue to feel this way that I will eventually get myself into something I don’t really want to do, but can’t back out.

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