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Behold The Miracle Of Modern Medicine

February 20, 2013

I grew a spine!

Okay, I haven’t really grown anything. Well…not lately. (ba dun dun tish) Seriously. I was getting a raw deal with a friend and I told them, “No, I deserve better.”

And they came back with, “That’s just how things have to be.”

I said, “I quit!” (not literally, there were some words and nouns and verbs involved with some cursing)

So I did it. Kind of. It’s not exactly the moment I thought I’d say, “Hey, I feel alive,” doing, but there was something liberating to finally putting my foot down and telling the truth. This, again, wasn’t the moment I thought it’d be because it was over some trivial bullshit like my ‘friend’ telling me not to text them but instead use facebook to communicate because her boyfriend might think she’s cheating. See? Trivial, trivial bullshit. That just rubbed me the wrong way, though.

In my former life (heh..heh..) I’d have gladly ate that shit sandwich, but this time it just struck me as…just…wrong and in its wrongness I thought I deserved better treatment. That led to me having enough and finally forming a spine. Who knew that all it took was that?

I’ve also been reading up on Brené Brown with the whole shame and vulnerability and how that affects our actions as well as our thoughts. If you say you don’t deserve any kind of goodness in this world then you’re just giving in to your own personal shame and that’s not being ‘you’ (as much as there is a ‘you’). Breaking through your own shame and guilt is very liberating, I must say. Not only because it rids you of these parasites that make you feel like shit for being who you are, but it also means you’re not there for someone’s personal use and put into a box where even talking to you is ‘safe’ because they’ve got hang-ups (we all do).

If there’s a lesson to take from this (like I’m some sort of great philosopher) it’s that little moments are as big as the biggest big moments in your life. That if you feel you’re getting a raw deal from a friend, a lover, a boyfriend/girlfriend, then tell them. You’ll be surprised where your inner strength comes from. For me it’s my inability to say no and to put up with shitty situations…for someone else it might be wearing the color green or being able to act stupid in the face of sternness. Whatever your deal is, you need to find what’s right for you and what you think is good for you.

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