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The Retinal Display Ball And Chain

March 3, 2013

Staring at the screen of my smartphone I had kind of a weird moment when, after locking it, I saw the reflection of myself hunched over and staring back at me. In that moment I realized I’m kind of hopelessly addicted to my technology to the point I do have anxiety when it’s not in my hand. It’s weird that not only can you tether you phone to a computer you yourself can be tethered to it. And I wondered when the hell this happened to me. I wasn’t always this way and I didn’t always get the fidgets when I didn’t have it in my hand.

Like most things in life it just sort of creeps up on you. You make a line and then break that line and make hundreds more lines proclaiming, ‘I won’t use my phone so much!’ All the while being fifty miles from where you started and unable to figure out how you got there. I picture a desert somewhere for this analogy because the sand is so malleable that your line looks like any lther line in the sand. Millions of lines and no direction on how to get back.

Oh, I’ve had fits and bursts where I say, ‘No more!’ And quit for a few hours, but never more than a few. A bite. A fraction of my life that still’s being sucked up into the technology that leaves me feeling hopeless and unfulfilled as a person. Now, you might be saying, ‘Aren’t you being a bit melodramatic?’ Nope. Consider that it costs me money to use every month for this privilege, I only go to a few sites regularly, and it generally adds nothing of value to my life beyond reminding me of how much time I’m wasting dicking around with this bullshit.

I say all of this out of a great well of frustration with myself and my inability to quit, but if I quit I’d feel lost as to what to fill my life with and that’s an even sadder thought–to not have enough things to fill my life that technology is filling that gap. Also don’t mistake my post for some luddite declaration against all technology, but I am starting to see the insidious side to it and I’m really kicking myself for getting sucked into it. I’m currently formulating a plan for a jailbreak (figurative and somewhat literal) from my technology and my phone. More on that later.

Are there others around here with the same problem? Maybe we an start a support group.

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