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Knowing Your Place/Finding Your Place

March 28, 2013

I hear those two phrases a lot among my friends and I’m guilty of the sentiment myself, but when you really look at the thoughts behind those two phrases they really do not jive with reality. First off: You can never ‘find’, ‘discover’, or ‘reveal’ your place. This is not some magical place that you’re seeking out like Never-Never land. There is really no place you belong and there’s no place to find. Ta-da! You have no place. So what about that drifting feeling? That’s really all you. You are drifting through life when you feel directionless, but that does not mean you have a place that’s all set out and ooh you forgot the directions.

Secondly: Who says there needs to be a place? While I’ve had and continue to have my own issues with fitting any sort of mold, clique, circle of friends, network…etc. That doesn’t mean I necessarily need a place, space, or atom. No, I find myself more comfortable with a limited selection of people. As my overcrowded facebook has taught me I am not like the people on there. I don’t lead a happy life full of things to share and I most certainly do not have much going on right now that requires the kind of updates necessary to maintain an ‘average’ facebook.

Yes, while I update my status with various stupidities, have some chats, and occasionally post a pic of myself I’m sort of proud of–I do not do what most do. So my ‘place’ isn’t there. And even among the friends I’m close to and want to be closer to I don’t feel like I fit. That could be because of the isolating nature of good ol’ PA. Or it could be the anxiety. Or…whatever. Point is, the people I want to be close with and closer with I’m not. That sucks.

Thirdly: I know it’s popular to think of life as a set of tracks and that we’re all on some sort of set trajectory, but in actuality it’s really just a random sequence of events with some cohesion that makes you, you. We try to associate meaning to every action and hope that maybe that bird flying overhead is a sign that you need to fly to California. Or that that fire hydrant spewing out water is a sign you should go swimming. Or…[insert random action with random thought]. In reality it really is just timing. Sometimes your timing is good (texting a friend and having them reply) and sometimes it’s bad (texting your friend and they’re busy/driving). I used small examples of texting because I think that’s a pretty universal action that’s small enough to prove a point.

Lastly: Your place is defined by what you think is your ‘place’ but who wants a place? A place is confining. It means you’re in a cage. Not a cage with bars but a cage that doesn’t allow you to determine your fate once you’re there. Seems that once you find that definitive ‘place’ there’s not much else to go. Sure, you can travel and see the world on your 2 week vacation, but you do come back to your place. Your space. That place you feel you’ve found. To be sure, I’m not advocating directionlessness. I think everyone needs some direction in their life on the other hand thinking there’s this special spot in the world that’s meant just for you isn’t very healthy. I’ve seen it and experienced it first hand: it leads to confusion, isolation, and just very poor judgment. So what’s gained by this mentality? Is this there a finish line? Accolades? Will it make you happier?

Seems like it just gets in the way of enjoying yourself, however, most things in life do that. They become these brick walls to climb over or if you’re like me–festering wounds that never quite heal. But there is strength is overcoming these things and finding some way to heal from the wounds of life. You and me just need to find a way to do it. To find the courage to face the world, because it sure as shit doesn’t give damn about you and how talented you are. To finish this up: I think the journey metaphor is the most apt instead of finding a set space. Journeys are long and tedious and they can be full of adventure and excitement and quiet moments. In the end we all must account for how we handled ourselves and hope that our story was a good one. Or maybe I’m just tired and this is the rant of someone who’s spent too much time alone.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 29, 2013 11:55 pm

    I agree with just about all of this. Especially:

    “I know it’s popular to think of life as a set of tracks and that we’re all on some sort of set trajectory, but in actuality it’s really just a random sequence of events with some cohesion that makes you, you.”

    and:

    “I think everyone needs some direction in their life on the other hand thinking there’s this special spot in the world that’s meant just for you isn’t very healthy. I’ve seen it and experienced it first hand: it leads to confusion, isolation, and just very poor judgment. So what’s gained by this mentality? Is this there a finish line? Accolades? Will it make you happier?”

    Yeah, basically.

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