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Moment of Doubt

May 4, 2013

Well, as most you are aware, I’ve been having physical therapy to correct my right hand and Thursday I had a moment of doubt about…everything. I was sitting there picking up marbles when I started feeling hot and I kept checking my pulse obsessively. Then I felt hotter and increasingly uncomfortable then the ‘what-ifs’ started and after that I just snowballed into a bout of panic.

So, I called over my physical therapist and she gave me some water and I started feeling a bit better but not before my nerves became frayed a little. I was glad that I didn’t go into full panic mode and I was able to tamp down on it. However, it left me crushed horribly. My ego was flattened and I began to question why it happened. Does this mean I’m cracking again? What if I am? Does that mean I’m going to shutter myself again? What if this therapy doesn’t work? Am I really all that dedicated to this thing after all? And so on and so on. It really took me down.

I’m trying not to let it get to me like it would have months ago, but it really was not the thing I needed to have happen and I’m trying to keep in mind that I managed to control it for the most part. Still…doubt tends to seep into the smallest of cracks in the human psyche and I’m worried that it managed to do some damage to me mentally. Damage in this case is killing my enthusiasm for what I’m trying to accomplish. I’m going to chalk this up to a glitch in my programming and that I’m still healing from my intense anxiety. For now.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Marleen permalink
    May 4, 2013 6:45 am

    Hey, you’re always gonna have some setbacks when you’re trying to accomplish something, and this was probably just one of the little basterds. But overcoming them and finding the force to continue working towards your aim will only strengthen, rather than damage you. You’re doing awesome and you’ll get there, it just takes a whole lotta time and effort.

  2. July 29, 2013 10:54 am

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