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Clutching The Clenched Fist For Release

May 8, 2013

I’ll admit that while I cling to some things, I don’t try to hold onto them as a matter of pride–in fact I tend to hate that feeling. Oh, sure, when I was in my late teens and early 20’s I clung massively to things and beliefs and feelings that it became hard to let them go. I thought, at the time, that I was cool and hip for how I felt, ‘Hey…I’m an Atheist, I bet that pisses people right off,’ or, ‘Hey…I fuck you Apple fanbois, go suck Steve Jobs’ cock you losers.’ Stuff like that. Really awful feelings.

The thing is that I didn’t see these thoughts and feelings as awful or stupid, they were just there and part of my DNA. It wasn’t until at least my 27th birthday that I began thinking deeply about why I think and believe as I do and act the way I do. I remember just being very confused about things–about who I am. About what I wanted from life (I still have no clue) about who I want to love just….everything.

But returning to the topic at hand: clenching tightly to a view to the point it becomes a personal crusade to win converts…I just don’t feel the need to feel that way anymore–like I said: I still have my own issues with letting stuff go, but in this way I just can’t be arsed to care as much or as strongly if someone doesn’t feel as I do about a particular music, movie, video game, etc. now, I will admit that in political discussions I get very vicious and I am passionate about my beliefs in those areas, but elsewhere? No fucking way. Save that for people slightly younger than me who still give a shit.

My main gripe with all of this crusading and such is that I see it on a daily basis and it really irritates the hell out of me. I am understanding to a point, but it still bugs me. Do you really feel that strongly about reading that you have to constantly remind us of how much you enjoy it? Or booze. Or pot. Or…[insert hobby, addiction, style, taste]. I dunno. I’m (slowly) coming to the realization that if you’re secure enough with what you want that none of these trivial aspects of your life matter. Just let things go and leave the suffocated interests with the people that need the constant approval, because I sure as shit am not going to validate your lifestyle.

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