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Home Is Wherever I’m With You

July 4, 2013

This being the fourth of July or Jew-Lie if you’re southern and I have fuck all to do with regards to a cook-out or anything I think I’ll reflect on why I don’t celebrate this holiday. I’m…not a joiner. Oh, sure, there is that side of me that screams, ‘Why aren’t you doing something?!’ I just tend to ignore it because…fuck you, that’s why. As far back as I can remember my family hasn’t really done the traditional thing on…well…any holiday but birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

I was never sure on the why but I suspect it’s because they just never joined in anything. We’re a deeply independent family which has been cooperative and divided. My father did his own thing, my mother did hers, and until fairly recently, me and my brother did our own thing. Now it’s just me and I don’t join anything. Clubs? No. Choir? Fuuck no. Sports? Narp. D&D? Nope. These things have always seemed like pointless exercises to me and now that I actually want to be social I can see how this antipathy to joining even the mundane things has left me isolated and clinging for any shred of a social life.

It also doesn’t help that I have anxiety issues which I can see are probably a result of this inability to join even the easiest of activities. All this anti-being social hasn’t kept me from the occasional group like being in charge of working with the school paper to get it printed or doing layout for my college paper. However, those things are very rare and in the case of the former, my press operators were assholes who took over my operation once they felt they could.

Which showed to me I’m not much of a leader and should never be in charge of something. That could be different now, who knows? Either way it left me not even wanting to try. I like my independence and I like that I’ll probably never join a cult or any other dangerous bullshit. However, I do see that on days like today that this is a real limiting factor in terms of enjoyment of my life and I should probably start changing a little.

And no, you’re not going to get the sappy, ‘So enjoy your holiday!’ Conclusion from me. Fuck that insincere prattle. In the immortal words of Judge Smails: You’ll get nothing and like it!

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