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Once More Into The Light

September 23, 2013

I meant to post this this past weekend, but I got stuck in the GTA V black hole. I wanna talk about freedom and what I forgot and need to remember. As my car is going to be repaired this week I thought I’d reflect on why this was so important to be fixed: it’s my freedom and a reminder to me that I am free to make choices and to do things. Yeah, my sociology professor posited that driving isn’t really freedom because you can’t really drive the way you want. It makes a certain amount of sense on its face, but I contend that a car can mean your freedom to decide where you want to go with things–even if it isn’t on the road.

With the anxiety I kind of lost my freedom and my freedom to decide what I want to do and how to live. I forgot that and I’m remembering now that I am free and I need to start acting on that freedom instead of eschewing it in favor of the safety of my drywall prison. It sounds trite and common sensical…believe me, it’s not. Not since the depression and anxiety and it hasn’t been that way for a very long time. I need to remember that my car is there waiting for me and that I’m not shackled to one place.

If you think these truths are easily remembered…they’re not. All if takes is one very bad time in your life to send it careening off a cliff and setting your life back for years and if you’re lucky it won’t be too bad. So yeah…it’s what I need to remember and I need to stay on guard for because it’s easy to slip and be complacent and to stumble and fall again. I’m probably in the best mental state I’ve been in in a long time and I’m very grateful for the help that’s gotten me here and the lessons I continue to learn and the sides of myself I keep learning more about and to remember to be strong. To be happy. To be grateful for everything I have.

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