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Cold Weather Doldrums

October 24, 2013

This weather has been all over the place with regards to how gray and how cold it’s been this fall and sometimes we’re in the 80’s or 26 for you non-yanks. I’d say I’m surprised, but really…nothing surprises me about the weather and how screwy it is. I’ve known since at least middle school that weather patterns (no matter the global climate) are really funky in Maryland–not Colorado level of funky, but enough that it’s always a guessing game.

I know self-diagnosis isn’t really something I should be doing as I’m the world’s worst (or is it best?) hypochondriac, but Ido believe I have SAD. On sunny days I can be very energetic and chipper and on gray cold days I just barely wanna get out of bed. I also don’t wanna do much when it’s cold. Even muscle feels like it aches just a tiny bit more on those days which makes a proper exercise routine a challenge. I’m trying, i started exercising a little tonight and now I feel wide awake…and it’s cold. So maybe I’m just lazy. ‘A body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest stays at rest.’ Well, thanks to that commercial I now know what I’ve known for years.

So I guess I should embrace my new role in life: FIDo The Shark. Really, I like moving and I know I feel a lot better when I do it, but I don’t wanna feel like I have to be constantly moving like a fish. I’ve also calculated my basil metabolic rate thanks to Vsauce any I’d burn a little over 3 calories an hour if I just do nothing at all. That’s cool, right? Nope. Need to burn more than I take in. Well…shit, what do people do to exercise during the fall and winter besides ‘join a gym’? There’s gotta be something.

I just did my shoulder exercises for the first time in months and I can tell I’ve really freakin’ reverted since the end of July. I have an activity problem and a motivation problem. The motivation problem is easy to solve, but activity wise…’ehh….still boxing myself in despite getting past a few of my comfort zones this week. I really…want to live differently. To be different. To feel different. Hell, I want a girlfriend and I know, ‘heavy guys have relationships,’ and that’s true, but I shame myself into not wanting or accepting anyone’s affections.

I know I shouldn’t do these things. I accept that I’m a little emotionally crippled and I’m sure I can come across as cold, however, I’m not. I’m actually pretty warm and caring if someone ever bothered to open up, but I’ve had years to fortify myself and disbelieve anything anyone says to me that involves romance. I know, I know. I kind of got on a tangent. You know how there’s that whole, ‘You can tell a lot about an author by what they write about?’ Well, my thing is relationships. That and confusion about the insanity in the world and finding myself. Tada. That’s the big secret. And the lonelier I get the more I tend to obsess and freakout about being in my 30’s, single, never having had a real relationship, or even really knowing who I am and what I’m capable of.

It’s not and never was that much of a mystery? Sooo…where was I? Oh yes, cold weather sucks and hopefully this winter is peeled off quickly like a band-aid.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Marleen permalink
    October 24, 2013 10:40 am

    Egh, I know what you mean about the cold weather blues. Heck, I don’t even wake up in the morning when it’s not light enough, so winter is never the best time of the year for me. (I’m even contemplating getting one of those natural light lamps/alarm clocks). It’s important to still go out and do stuff though; despite being cold, you’ll feel so much better. And your muscles warm up quite quickly, really. As for getting in touch with (new) people and maybe even with one that’d be worth having a relationship with – and it would be a lucky woman – you gotta put yourself out there. Emotionally, but also physically, cuz sadly they probably won’t come to get you from your apartment (though you never know. Bloody aliens). I’d say join a club or whatever – something sporty, a creative writing organization, a debate club, whatever. Just to get out of your shell more, cuz you deserve to be seen.

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