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The Dejection Of Rejection Is A Projection Of An Erection

December 6, 2013


That can’t be right, can it? Nope, it is. Here in the notes it says ‘erection’. Anyway…I’m not commenting on the who, the why, the what, the how, the GED, The VBT, or the AFL-CIO. Suffice to say I was rejected tonight. Actually, rejected is a harsh term that implies violence. How is…gently let down onto a fluffy cloud of reality? I’m not going to belabor the point or anything, but I’d be lying if right now I felt like the greatest person that ever personed the person…of the world. But I’ll survive and this is just how things go. It could’ve went much better and then there’s Hidenberg bad–which it could’ve gone as well. This was middle of the road bordering on positive. So…I’ve got that going for me.

My friends keep trying to console me that, ‘At least you finally did it,’ and I’m sure in a few days time when things aren’t so fresh that I’ll be patting myself on the back so hard that there’ll be a permanent indentation in my flesh. Right now it just feels like a defeat and the more I go over it in my head the worse I feel. I’m not letdown too often and I don’t say that to imply I’m some sort of ladies’ man and that this is the FIRST TIME EVAR! I just don’t give myself too many chances to be letdown. I think I’ve been turned down for dates from women I’ve been interested three times in my whole life. And that I’m 31 that just sounds downright pathetic.

I guess I find holding onto my hope to be a much more bearable act than actually putting myself out there and being rejected which invariably happens. Call it delusional or stupid, but it always felt a lot better to be in control and convince myself (usually rightly) that they wouldn’t be interested in me than to actually find out and have it confirmed and….go through this, because every time hurts like the first time. Which oddly enough was when I was in kindergarten by this girl named Kristen.

But I digress. I guess the biggest lesson I can take from this is that as bad as it felt that I gritted my teeth and even tried and it didn’t completely break me, though, even telling myself that begins to sound like a bullshit excuse to feel better. So where does this leave me? Well, with a social life bordering on the negative digits, and romantic options verging on the laughable, I’d say positively fucked, however, life can always be much worse. But it’s okay. It’s December and it’s almost Christmas. And hopefully I’ll drink enough on New Year’s to put this last bit of the year behind me. Either that or I’ll just end up staying home like always.

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