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Quiet Shouts

April 24, 2014

Every so often I get to a problem now where I clench my eyes tightly and internally scream—usually this involves a moment where I absolutely hate the situation and want it to end. It’s…bothersome. I don’t like it for the very reason that I should not be getting that frustrated, but I do. I don’t fancy myself an angry person, however, I guess I do have that side of me and it’s almost always in relation to how anxious I feel.

I’ve been funneling my frustrations in negative ways, too. It affects my relationships with friends and the woman I love and I end up hating myself and trying to move on, but there’s never any moving on. There’s only the shame that I feel at having acted in such a manner in the first place.

And I guess I could forgive myself much easier if I knew a way to stop it, but thus far I haven’t found a solution. I keep using the belabored analogy of those mice with the illicit drugs and how they can’t help themselves from pressing that fucking button. It’s old and apt. So! Anyone who’s ever been in a craptastic situation that makes them so anxious that they act like a shithead…I’m open to advice.

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