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Rough Morning

August 8, 2014

I’m having a pretty rough morning emotionally. Basically just so many swirling thoughts about things and it sneaks up on me a lot of times. Chief among them is what to do about my romantic situation. Do I wait or do I search for someone else? The natural response is to ‘move on’ and that’s great if you have a lot of options and can convince yourself you’re not moving on to get past someone. Maybe that’s what I need to do but I’m not there yet and I’m the king of lost causes. Plus, the people in my life urging me to move on…haven’t exactly had the most stellar relationships in history.

I’m not saying they’re wrong, but the advice is suspect and who’s to say what’s wrong with regards to things that are so fluid and always changing? Then there’s the, ‘You should sleep with a lot of women,’ variety of advice…haha…in my whole life I’ve never been that person and while I’ve thought about being that person, the fantasy is always better than the reality. My reality is that I’m a very shy person that believes that anyone you sleep with you should at least have an emotional connection with other than, ‘I liked the way she looked.’ I’m not saying my way is all that great. I’m 32 and still haven’t done the deed, but I’d like to think as depraved as I am mentally, that I do have some standards.

Which is funny since it seems my standards are getting in the way of actually living and finding someone. Can you sense I really hate the way I can hold two contradictory positions? But I’m not done with this yet and we’re not done yet, either, if Wednesday’s conversation is to be believed. So all I can really do at this point is clap my hands and ask for the next lost cause to be sent in.

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