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Don’t Forget To Smile

August 23, 2014

I have a confession…I don’t smile much…or, I never used to. I do now. Hell, I smile a lot because I do feel it. But from 96 until about 2014 I never smiled too much in any picture. It was always this forced thing for me so I ended up having sociopathic smile where I was smiling and not really feeling it. I hated my smile. I felt so silly and I thought smiling was the worst thing that could happen in a picture.

So I never smiled and consequently I look like ‘Mr. Serious’ even though I pride myself on being anything but. However, I think smiling now is a reflection of how I’m doing. If I can’t find something to smile about I feel like I’m not enjoying myself. Which means I’ll usually watch a comedy on those days. The IT Crowd really brings out the laughter in me. Or Scrubs.

And on the days where I don’t need something funny I can usually smile at being thankful for being alive and for rising above my issues and doing it my own way. It may not be easy and there will be days where I just freak the fuck out, but at least I’m doing it my way and not through the use of medicines. I consider the fact that I’m still alive and not dead because things got to me to be a huge success in itself.

It feels like a victory bit by bit and that’s enough for me. I follow the belief that it’s not the big events that define us—those are rarities. It’s the little events. The minor victories. Those are the ones that define who we are and determine how our lives are going to be. So if you’re going through something similar with anxiety, depression, or whatnot, be thankful for making it through another day. Not all of us are able to do that and you’re winning just by not giving up.

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