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The Light At The End Of The Street

September 17, 2014

This may reveal a little too much about myself but ‘eh…

When I was a child or pre-teen (not sure when this thought came to me) I remember looking out of the window in my house in Dundalk and thinking some really dark and terrifying thoughts about this light at the end of my street. It was a single street light that shone its fluorescent glow on the street below and extended maybe 5ft in circumference and then gradually faded to oblivion after that. I remember it because it was always fucking eerie. I pictured werewolves, murderers, ghosts, thieves, etc. walking under it and then fading into the dark.

It did not help that the area around my house was pitch black. So not only was I picturing these things in my head, I was also waiting for the moment that something was staring back at me from the dark of my window. Thing is I’d lived in that house since late-87 and this never seemed as scary to me as it did when I was 10/11. I also knew that monsters weren’t real and that that was all bullshit.

However, in my mind’s eye I could see these things as clearly as if they were real and it scared the shit out of me. Well, not literally, but enough that I never wanted to look out of the window for too long. Fast forward to my adulthood and current predicament: I see things in my head (usually my death) and it scares me so badly that I have panic attacks as a result. I know it’s all bullshit, again, but at the time the threat feels very real.

The cherry on top of this shit sundae is that when you’re afraid your body produces adrenaline and you shake, sweat, have a fast heart rate….so the threat always feels more real than it really is as a result. It’s hard to slow down that train once it’s going, too. But I’ve been managing it quite well since late-July and now I just keep having flashes of it happening. I hope eventually those go away as well, but my mind’s a scumbag, so I never know exactly when it’ll crop up.

One Comment leave one →
  1. September 18, 2014 4:16 pm

    “I remember it because it was always fucking eerie.” I like that.
    Hope you continue keeping the (panic) wolves at bay. x

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