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So Winter Much Cold

November 16, 2014

I generally find this time of a year such a pain in the ass for me as I feel real unmotivated to do much but sit inside and veg. No, I’m not turning into my mother where I desire warm weather all the time and the hotter the better, but I do like it…tolerable outside. I’ve also committed this year to wearing shorts even in the winter unless it’s below freezing as nobody outside of my apartment knows how to fucking use the heat. They either turn it on its lowest possible setting which does dick to take the edge of the cold air or they turn it up to a super volcano in which case you’re breaking out in a sweat just sitting down. So shorts it is. After a while I really forget that it’s cold outside if I’ve been in the building long enough any way and at most I’ll be outside for 2 minutes. Unless it’s ‘turn your balls into ice’ cold, then I can survive that.

But enough about my own little idiosyncrasies on hating winter. I do like some aspects of it and they mostly revolve around Christmas and the time leading up to it; I like Christmas lights. I don’t know why but I remember as a kid just sitting near the Christmas tree sometimes and looking at the lights and how the colors seem to illuminate the room, but also they don’t. It leads to this nice twilight feeling with the tree acting as a beacon and being immensely relaxing. I still feel that way, too, it takes me back to my more innocent days that I sometimes miss. Mostly when things suck for me. I also like the snow, but not too much of it. Give me a day or two of snow and I’m good, but anymore than that and take it the hell away. I’ve been over winters due to those kind of days. Mostly I like going outside while it’s snowing and hearing the snow hit the ground and having it make little crackling noises and how all traffic seemingly disappears.

See, even when I was living up in PA there was always a din of traffic noise that you could hear just by sitting out on the back porch, but during the winter when it snows that noise just…goes away. It feels as if the world stops briefly and that’s peaceful and kind of eerie, too, now that I think about it. But mostly it’s just peaceful as I have yet to live anywhere that’s completely noise free for extended periods. Yeah, I seek peace and am comforted by complete silence. Before my anxiety deal I used to come home after going to school and just lay on the couch and listen to the silence and be enveloped by it like a warm blanket. Now I kind of dread the silence to a degree, but I’m regaining my footing there.

Honestly, the only part I’m going to hate about winter this year are people asking, “is it cold enough for ya?” Why yes, kind person, it is cold enough for me. I rather delight in feeling like my body is slowly turning into stone as if I just stared at Medusa. And, “Aren’t you cold?” No, no I’m not. In fact I’m so not cold I will walk outside bare ass naked and do a jig. Of course you will be blinded because…well…me, naked, is never a sight for anyone to behold. In fact I scream at myself sometimes when nude. Okay. Not really. And that was a horrible display of an unhealthy body outlook. Still..I doubt most people outside of the immensely egotistical or sociopathic look in the mirror and say, “I’d fuck me,” we’re just not trained to enjoy our own visage. That’s why porn and modeling and underwear magazines exist. And I see I’ve veered way off-topic. Until next time, cheers!

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