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The Summit

February 20, 2015

You feel that? You get closer to it every day. Some are closer than others and it’s not an easy journey as there’s rocks, uneven trails, trails that disappear, bridges that are constantly falling to pieces. Just up ahead the summit awaits you to take–to make your mark, to show that you were here. If even just for a second. The sun beats down. Its harsh light shows the way but also causes you to stumble, to break, to…disappear. Your goal might not ever be achieved and you might end up turning back or wanting to turn back. The journey breaks some people; it beats them to dust. Others fight on. The endure. They see the challenge before them and aim to conquer it in one form or another.

I’m starting to believe that life is this really inhospitable mountain that we’re all climbing and soldiering forth on. The thing is that we can’t turn back…we…can’t go back. We can only march forth up its face and hopefully find what we’re looking for. For me it’s love and happiness and a way out of this shithole I’ve made for myself. Maybe yours is addiction. Or maybe you have climbed the face and made your mark. Maybe you’re reading this and thinking I’m crazy–whatever the case, whatever is at the summit is what we most want from life. We’ve just got to be willing to fight for it, to succeed where others have failed.

This is also why I don’t really ascribe to the view that humanity is such an ugly force in the world, sure, we’re capable of the lowest lows, but I have faith that there’s enough of a center in all of us to erase whatever misdeeds other people create. Trouble is that it’s very easy to fall into the cynicism trap. It’s easy and seductive and I’ve struggled against it since I was teenager. I’m the person I am today because of it. Cynicism, though, is disbelieving the virtuous intentions of people and ‘seeing’ beyond the facade to who they really are. Or institutions. Or…anything else, really. You name it and cynics can turn it ugly.

The pratfall here is that the world isn’t this harsh and ugly place that isn’t worth fighting for and as much as I’ve wanted to believe that over the years…I’ve seen and have known some really amazing and genuinely kind people. The idea is to keep fighting this urge to hate people and give up on them as that’s how our…inhumanity creeps in–when we say to hell with it, “Everyone’s a bastard.” I’ve been there and I’m still there some days. I want to give-up and cluster myself and be a selfish prick who’s only out for myself, but I can’t. I know I could get away with more than I’ve been getting away with, but I really don’t enjoy spreading misery, even if I’ve been known to spread it through my actions.

What’s the point of this rant? I don’t know. It’s just been something on my mind lately and having too many friends that see the world as a giant shit heap that’s just waiting for a reckoning. And maybe it is. Maybe it is a shit world that’s undeserving of anything…that’s kind of the point, though: make your world a little better than the one you were born into. And I think overall we’re managing to succeed despite our base urges and what the media would have us believe.

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