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February 27, 2015

I don’t remember too many fun days for me in recent memory, there was Valentine’s day last year and a few others that I found fun, but the breaks have been very far apart. I’ve also been accused of formerly being fun to be around so…that kinda sucked too. The thing is this: I don’t know what having fun is anymore for me, sure, there’s video games that are fun for awhile, but even they get boring after playing too much. Oddly, I’ve found that clearing the snow off of my car has been kind of fun. 

I went out with my shorts and my waterproof winter gloves on and just had at it and wiped the snow off of my car. However, winter is ending soon so…yeah. I find being around people to be very fun and stimulating and there’s a catch: no one ever has time to do anything and I’m still not where I want to be with my anxiety. Oh, I’m fucking rocking it by chasing it down and beating it up like it owes me money. That’s still not enough, though. 

I think rediscovering what I find to be fun is needed. This really is like starting over with a clean slate because nothing I used to do is the same to me anymore—even reading. I like reading, but as I discussed a few entries down, my attention’s gone to shit with a severe technology addiction. Hey! Maybe that’s why I don’t know what I find fun anymore. Although I think it was more the anxiety shattering me and my interests that did it more than the technology but the technology hasn’t helped. 

So, I’m going to try have fun. Or die trying! Okay. No dying, that’s not very fun. I’m going to keep looking and hopefully I won’t be Mr. Srss for much longer. Although I’m not sure I’m ever serious, but I am resistant to taking even minor risks when it comes to being anxious. 

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