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Boringly Boringly Boring Bored

March 1, 2015

I’m trying to think of something to write about and I feel I’ve mined too many Mr. Serious topics and I’m going to keep all of this here. Maybe you’ll like the thought process involved in writing a web log post because it’s not easy—in fact it gives me flashbacks to that time in elementary school and fearing nobody will like me. I was gonna say it gives me a little bit of PTSD but then I’d be worried someone from the military would say that that’s offensive. Or anyone else. Besides, that kind of stuff isn’t really funny anyway, but I’ll tell you what is funny: emo oranges. Yep. I still have a soft spot for the emo oranges even after all of these years. Dunno why, but oranges cutting themselves to a Simple Plan song cracks me up. 

I’ve told my friends for years that I take very few things seriously and maybe that wasn’t a good thing…maaybe taking things not so seriously lead me down this path of anxiety. Now I take things too seriously, I get crushed at small stuff, I forget what having fun is, and I also worry over my own death which is happening at minute. Any. Minute. It’s generally lead me to become this boring person who just can’t let go and relax. 

And just can’t let go and trust. Mostly because I’d been hurt previously and don’t wish to get hurt again and that sounds very pop psychology, but it’s true. I also don’t take risks on getting hurt unless I know I won’t succeed and then it becomes easy for me because there’s no hurt involved when you know you’ll fail and I wear failure like an armor. It protects me from being vulnerable because when I am vulnerable and have been vulnerable I’ve gotten hurt. So I retreat back in my shell for a few years and bury it under a heap of sarcasm and trying to be funny. 

This isn’t necessarily an act, but it is the side of me that I feel comfortable showing. I write my more serious side down in this web log because I’m trying to embrace all sides of myself—including my less than stellar points, because facing them also means getting rid of them and letting go. 

I’m sorry.

Hey, guess I found my topic after all. 

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