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From Nowhere

March 16, 2015

I don’t update as often as I probably should for the 236 of you that bother to read my web log (I thank you all) and that’s mostly because a lot of what I have to say is a re-tread of earlier thoughts, mostly. So if I don’t update as much as you’d like me too, well, I apologize.

Today I got a crown put in…well, a temporary crown for my tooth. So now I can say, “Hail to the king, baby,” and kind of not feel as awkward–okay, I’d still feel awkward.My jaw also hurts and my gum line feels fucky. That was the highlight of my day beyond being so warped by klonopin I felt like I was going to pass out. To better days and no fucking cavities anymore. And no sore jaws, either. Kudos to my dentist’s assistant for putting up with my idiotic anxiety and all.

I also need to get back to walking more steadily, the last few weeks haven’t lent themselves to keeping a strict walking schedule like before and I miss it. I can also tell the difference in my anxiety levels when I do walk. It just seems to quiet the chattering voices telling me that death is upon me. I know that if I were to really die from something I likely wouldn’t see it coming, but my mind keeps me hyper-vigilant to threats that could potentially kill me. So every ache, pain, and pressure behind my chest is likely a death sentence.

What else? I dunno right now. I’m pretty worn out and am probably going to go onto something tomorrow when I’m thinking clearer beyond, “Anxiety sucks, blah blah blah,” and you all know anxiety sucks. Odd bit of thing as my dentist was drilling away: I started to get a real claustrophobic feeling that I’d never had before when I went to the dentist. I had just one thought as they were over me, “Get me out of here, get me out of here, get me out of here,” and I started to really freak out as a result. The thing is that I thought you generally only got that in confined spaces…not with two people in close quarters with one drilling your tooth and the other suctioning the pieces.

Anyone else ever get that? Anyway, off for the night. Tally ho!

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