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Arrrghgasm: English Only

March 20, 2015

This view may or may not be unpopular: In principle I agree with making English the standard language in the US. In practice…’ehh…I feel scummy for feeling that way. Not necessarily because I disagree with it, but because if you support an English standard in the US you’re considered racist, imperialist, a cultural chauvinist, etc. And on its own this should be non-controversial. I generally think it’s good for a country to agree on a language with which we all adhere to and agree upon using. It saves time, makes communication easier, and culturally unifies said nation.

The problem comes in with the fact that rightest politicians and people with generally conservative leanings espouse this idea because they couch it in language like: “Sick of pressing 1 for English and 2 for Spanish? Join us! We’ll kick the furren bastards out.” Or, “Are you sick of seeing America DESTROYED by liberals and their commie plot to FORCE globalization DOWN OUR THROATS?! Well, press 1 for this, asshole!” And so on.

See, this is why in principle I support a standard language. In practice it just allows too many jingoistic racist idiots an excuse to release their pent up white rage. Yeah, and before you think I’m co-opting ‘black rage’ by terming it ‘white rage’. No, I find white rage to usually be about how ‘things aren’t like they used to be’. And other dog whistles like that that are code for ‘darkies are taking over.’ But that’s besides the point. I hate that I can’t even espouse this view without going, “Look guys, I’m not being racist by thinking this,” because they’ve turned what should be an easy cultural issue and transformed it into bitching about how things aren’t the same anymore.

And how their thumb might magically cramp up if they have to move it less than a pica to the right or left, because pressing 1 is so difficult and time consuming. And listening to a message that tells them to press 1 is so frustrating for the half a second it takes them to listen to syllables. I’ll admit that bi-lingualism should be taught and encouraged, but I also think a country should be able to be unified by the language they choose to speak whether it’s English or some clicky sounds that make a pattern.

This is all trivial bullshit anyway because language is made up of sounds stringed together and their meanings change each year. Hell, a thousand years from now and if this blagh still exists this all might seem like some ancient ape language to them, anyway.

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