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The Struggle Is Real

July 30, 2015

I weighed myself today and I weighed 332.6…sooo..yeah, losing it quite nicely. Trouble is that last night I was so hungry I thought of all of the awful things I’d love to be eating. I hadn’t realized how few calories I had ate: 1,541 and hey! That’s great. Until you realize that my allotted calories for losing weight is 2,482 and I can see why. Fortunately I have built up a lot of willpower to resist the urge to eat, but damn…it’s like having a sex fantasy but without the sex and replaced with crappy food. So no more of that. I’m going to try to at least eat 1,800 calories. Although I struggle to eat even that much.

Don’t get me wrong: I am not starving myself. Hell, I eat fast food probably more than I should, but I do moderate even that. However, I found that when I eat like a normal person I don’t eat that much. So it kind of makes me wonder how much I was eating before to even get to this point. And right now, I’m not too concerned with nutrition too much because I need so many calories to function. When I get to the lower weights, then I’ll worry about it. I do monitor my sugar and sodium intake, though. I try to keep those within normal levels.

Another thing is that I calculated my BMR and it is 2,460. For those that don’t know what a basil metabolic rate is, it’s how many calories you burn for every 12 hours or more of not eating. So yeah…if I didn’t eat I could burn calories like crazy without doing anything. Of course I’d be one pissed off kind of person since not eating gives me a headache, but still..physiologically that just blows my mind a little. I burn a whole day’s worth of calories and more without doing jack shit. So…yay? Where was I? Oh yes, I hate using the term ‘journey’ to describe this weight loss. I feel it’s hackneyed and a cliche. So my weight loss isn’t a journey so much as treating myself like a block of clay.

My body is my piece of clay and I’m sculpting it into the person I want to be. A person with no fear of his body because he can take pride in that he’s working on improving it, someone without shame or anxiety whenever he looks into a mirror, and someone who’s happier now that he’s made up his mind of who he wants to be. That’s my project and one I’m succeeding at creating. I always had the strength to do this, I just needed to believe in myself. I have several regrets and I’ve shared one so often it’s becoming a dead horse, but my other regret is that it took so long for me to realize this and to put in the effort toward changing and becoming a better person.

One Comment leave one →
  1. July 30, 2015 12:30 pm

    Congrats on taking the steps to be a healthier you! Check out my blog for fitness, food and motivation! Remember how great you feel when you workout and eat healthy! This will be the most rewarding and hardest thing you have done. Keep it up!

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