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Anxiety Kind Of Day

August 6, 2015

I’m not sure if my day was ‘good’, ‘slightly good’, ‘slightly bad’, or ‘bad’. If Glornax were here, she’d know. I used to tell her that life doesn’t work on the binaries of ‘boo’ and ‘yay’ so we jokingly came up with our middle ground: yay-boo for when there’s more yay than boo and boo-yay for when more boo than yay. It still makes me laugh just thinking about it. I woke up with really bad vertigo today. No idea where that all came from and that went away and then my left arm started hurting. So my brain goes, “Heart attack,” when really it was caused by either swimming yesterday or not moving in my sleep. Me and my dad proceeded to the store and that went fine minus some bumps. Then I went to therapy and had to be alone for a bit and drive home with no one home. Which made my anxiety worse.

I eventually made it home after concluding, “Fuck it,” and that went well. I never went full blown panicky, but still…shit day for anxiety. Thanks arm. I’m still here so I’m going to conclude there isn’t anything wrong. But yeah…this would be a yay-boo day. I think, because I did climb out of it each time the anxiety threatened to overwhelm me. Today has shown me just how far I’ve come, though, and that really is a big motherfucking ‘Yay!’ shouted from the mountaintops…or…at least the suburbs of Baltimore county.

I’m going to go now because I’m actually feeling pretty tired and today was more active than I thought it would be. Oh! Today’s weigh-in was 331.4 which considering I weighed 331.2 yesterday is fantastic. Go weight loss, go!

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