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Breaking

August 27, 2015

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Perfect visual representation of how I feel. 

I feel like I’ve hit a wall of sorts with regards to my anxiety. It all started with my dad telling me the results of his blood test (he’s a kidney transplant recipient) and ever since then it just feels like I’ve been on edge and my anxiety just shot up. Not just with regards to that, but I’ve been lonely, sad, and really missing being intimate with someone. There are other contributing factors like class starting next week and such and maybe that’s the real stressor occupying my time. Or maybe it’s just everything in between, but I find myself saying, “I was feeling good, but then,” a lot more these days than I have. And the weight loss is going great, but everything else seems like a great big mound of shit with a few exceptions.

I can’t even go swimming because they’ve closed the pool during the week because the lifeguards are all 17 and 18 year olds. So…what the fuck to do? I don’t know. Games are boring me, movies and tv shows are boring me, even doing this is seeming quite tedious to do these days. Hopefully therapy today helps. I think I should just go for a walk a bit by myself. Or drive. But where? I have no money and no one else to go with.

I don’t want to wait another semester to take this class, either. No matter how much it wigs me out. I just want to feel like things are okay and maybe just have someone to hang out with, because as great as my dad is, he’s not really the sort to go and do the things I’d love to go do.

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