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September 13, 2015

Yesterday was my brother’s fiance’s birthday party and I actually had a really good time. I didn’t know anyone there at first, but I eventually opened up and became more sociable through the expert use of alcohol, some foul language, and just being myself. I’m actually quite happy as friday I was pretty low. I’d been writing recently about how I felt very unimportant to my friends and while I know it wasn’t intentional on their part, one of my friends did kinda hurt me by confirming it accidentally. No, I’m not mad or anything. Just…hurt. It’ll pass. Like I said: it wasn’t their fault and they didn’t know and I didn’t feel like fighting over it because my time with H-bomb did teach me a lot…mostly picking which shit to fight over and that would’ve invariably lead to a fight.

But yesterday was great and today was just as great in its own way. I managed to make it to the mall with my mother for a bit, saw her golden retriever briefly, went out alone, and just in general didn’t flip my shit in panic or anything. It was that way yesterday as well, even when I drank a Mike’s Hard a little too fast and ate some really spicy food beforehand and just had the worst gassy, bloated pain possible. I honestly thought I was going to have to go, but I pulled through. I also didn’t panic or have much anxiety. I was so relieved about that. I really am proving to myself that I’m stronger than I thought I was. I need to start really believing it–which I’m beginning to do.

I’m getting more of a swagger about things. As for the weight loss, I know I haven’t updated on it in awhile. I’m still at 325 and holding. Good god this is annoying. But I’m managing to keep it steady. I surprised myself even after all of the food I ate last night that I still weighed 325 this morning. Here’s to 324 tomorrow. *fingers crossed and legs crossed*

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