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One of These Entries

September 15, 2015

So, I started talking to this girl and she seemed cool and adventurous and I really did like her at one point and we shared a lot. Then mid-July comes and she remains silent from then on until a couple of weeks ago and then goes back to being silent. She usually gave nebulous reasons for not speaking, “I don’t feel like being social,” or the ever-vague: ‘drama’. Fine. Whatever. So I at least made one or two attempts during the week to get her to talk and to open up about what’s going on. No response. After a month of this riggamaroo I finally get fed up and delete her off of facebook and text message her why I did it in case she ever wonders; I figured I at least owed her that much.

She responds to that with some info of her own–and it’s not mine to share so I won’t–suffice it to say she lobbed this, “Maybe you’re not as caring as you think you are,” to me. Which should’ve been my red flag, but no. I apologized and thought that was that. I try to message her today and she responds with she’s still really upset at me and blah blah blah give her space. The usual. The thing is she really has no reason to be upset with me about anything I’d done because a) she never told me what happened, b) she really could’ve just been blowing me off as I continually felt like she was, and c) lobbing that charge of being un-caring at me was really uncalled for since…you know…trying to contact her even though some shit was up was me being caring.

Keep in mind, I didn’t come to this conclusion until weeks later and today, finally cutting the cord, because of how she responded to me today. She has no reason to be upset with me for anything I did in ignorance. So I ask you: where are the normally adjusted people? Do they all do this? Is this seriously a thing? I should know something really awful happened to you because you chose not to even give me a heads-up? Not even a clue? I know women expect men to be mind readers, but I feel this is a bit much even for that. It’s not like she messaged me and said, “FIDo, I was brutally sodomized by ten guys and a dog at a party,” and I went, “Well, was there at least a kick ass Trent Reznor soundtrack in the background?” No. I had no idea! It’s the same shit that happened with H-bomb: no fucking communication. I’m as closed off as they come but if something bad happens and I don’t want to talk, I’ll at least tell you that something bad happened!

I don’t get all vague with you and then get pissed when you think I’m blowing you off and you confront me about it like you should so obviously know! That’s fucking stupid. And the temerity to get pissed and then remain upset about it is the kicker for me. That was the dealbreaker. However, unlike with H-bomb where I was rather impulsive with my anger, I let it simmer. I played Cities: Skylines and thought about it, “Will this situation improve?” and “What kind of person am I if I let someone withhold communication with me for something done in ignorance?” I concluded I’d be pretty fucking idiotic to put up with it. So I deleted her and blocked her number for good measure.

Aaaand writing this entry and I hate writing these entries because I feel like I failed in some way. I feel like, “Oh, if I just waited it out it’d all be okay,” but no. It wouldn’t be. I’m not getting trapped in a situation like that ever again where someone can hold contact with them hostage because they’re ‘upset’ over something I did. I’ll admit I was an asshole with H-bomb a lot. Really, I treated her like shit and she treated me like shit a lot too. She’s still the only person I will let get away with this because I realize I fucked up with her. But in this case I did nothing to deserve this. I was trying to be caring. I’m always caring and honest to a fault, but goddamn…this just isn’t fucking worth it. It’s not. I’m tired. Tired of this. Tired of people treating me like I’m a second tier person. Tired of them getting upset over petty shit. Just tired. And I’m not doing it anymore. I’m done.

If you want a dramarama, go find someone else. I’m done being your personal whipping boy or chew toy for whenever you feel like acting like a friend.

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