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The Blah Times

December 3, 2015

Things aren’t going too well here emotionally. The wheels are coming off of my weight loss plan, my dad’s transplanted kidney isn’t functioning properly either due to rejection or the BK virus, and H-bomb still isn’t speaking to me…per se. More on that in a bit.

First off is my dad. I’m very close to him as a son and in my personality so I feel for him a lot and he had a kidney transplant in 2013 and it went really well and things were great up until this past year. Apparently he has a viral infection called the BK virus. Now, if this were BK as in Burger King I’d say great! But it’s actually a virus we all carry around us in our every day lives but it doesn’t affect us because we’re no immuno-suppressed. And transplant patients don’t have the best immune systems so the virus activates and fucks everything up. Now he has to get his kidney biopsied because they’re not sure if he’s rejecting it or if it’s just the BK virus. Personally I’m hoping it’s just the virus. But I have been wrong in my hopes before and I feel like this isn’t going to have a very happy ending.

Fortunately it’s not a death sentence, but neither he nor myself want him to have to live with dialysis again. So if there’s any positive vibes out there, just send ’em this way.

Onto problem 2, the weight loss hasn’t been going too great. I think I’m stress eating or getting lazy because of the weather, but either way I’m not happy. I am happy this class is almost over and I can turn my eye on weight loss like the goddamn eye of Sauron. But right now I’m just not happy with things and my body is feeling it. That I managed to get back down to 323.8 today despite this feeling is a great thing, but still I can feel the wheels spinning wildly to the point that they might just start to break off and leave me in a lurch.

I’m trying. Oh, believe me, I’m trying to regain control but right now it feels futile and it probably is less futile than it feels right now. But suffice to say my holiday cheer has been dampened.

Then there’s H-bomb. I try to contact her quite a bit (I’m being generous here) mostly with just random stupidities and sometimes music, sometimes serious stuff. I’m never mean and my goal is to keep the line of communication going in the hope that she’ll eventually start talking again. I sent her this ball of negativity in an email aaaand…she sends me a fat unicorn. I’m not sure if she was mocking me or trying to cheer me up in a non-verbal way. I’m still trying to decode that one. Then she replied again to the Gingerbro Man I found on reddit. Then she sent another unicorn, this time with the crazy glint in its eye and I just lost it.

I laughed. And quite a bit. So I’m not sure what to make of things with that, but I do appreciate it even if she’s not really speaking to me. It shows, if nothing else, she does have a sense of humor about things. I think. I’ll post more later but the negativity in my life right now coupled with the shit that’s going on in my country just depresses the hell out of me. And I’d rant about that stuff, but I try to keep this a positive place because there’s very few of those left online.

But, I will try to update more and try to fix this gloom and doom I’m feeling right now. Fortunately it hasn’t triggered my anxiety, but I do feel like it’s close to spilling over. I don’t want to sound like those assholes who whine about the cold and then whine about the heat, but is it summer yet? I felt so much better then.

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