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Arrrghasm: Turn Signals

December 4, 2015

If you’ve been keeping up with my web log (thaaaank you) you’d notice these arrrghasms share a theme: driving. Specifically poor driving. I don’t know if it’s just a Maryland and Pennsylvania thing, but driving today is one big psychic game and we’re all supposed to guess at which way we’re going, because apparently the car manufacturers are no longer making turn signals. I’m guessing it’s a vestigial organ for cars: at one point it was useful, but now it’s just a big pain in the ass.

This is especially irksome when someone. Is. Driving. Real. Slooooooooowwwwwwwww….and then they throw their turn signal on as they turn. I feel like bashing my head against my steering wheel when I see this colossal bit of driving incompetence. Now, anyone that has been to driving school will know that the rule is you turn on your turn signal well before your turn so…I dunno….no one rear-ends your stupid ass.

But no, you, Mr. or Mrs. Driving Asshole cannot do such a thing as move your finger less than an inch from your steering wheel to you to turn on your turn signal. It’s at this point I wonder if you’ve ever driven a car before and have learned what all the sticks on your steering column are all about. Do they just give licenses to anyone now? Is it like getting a gun? All you need to do is convert food into energy and presto! You can drive? Is that it? Sheesh. And then the nerve. The nerve that these idiots have when you honk at them or almost run into them. Hey, turn on your fucking turn signal!

I know we like to imagine that the world is ours and that no one matters but us, but goddamn…there are other people on the road! You’re driving a one and a half ton vehicle. I’d think you’d want to avoid…I dunno…accidents! I’m sorry, they’re not accidents if you do it every fucking time. No, it just means you’re too fucking stupid and I wonder how you manage to breathe at all, let alone get in a car!  Apparently you think you can blithely make a turn without signaling or signaling while you turn. I very rarely wish bodily harm on people, but maybe just a love tap to your car after failing to signal. Just once. Nothing major, just something to show you the error of your ways. Maybe a cop can cite you for it.

But no, we don’t live in a just a fair world or even a just society. No, what’s actually going to happen is that you’re going to keep failing to signal while making everyone’s life hell for driving behind you. Oh, you probably have never been in an accident before, Sir or Madam, but I can guarantee you that you’ve nearly caused them or have been responsible for them.

Just stay home. You can breathe oxygen and waste space while you’re there without inconveniencing the rest of us who actually know how to operate a car. Who know that when you drive you’re not just driving with just yourself on the road, but with other people. Save us all the hassle of ever having to deal with you again. Maybe get a cab or take a bus and give your car to someone that knows how to use it. Otherwise you’re just being a major asshole on the road and risking everyone else’s safety because you’re too stupid to move your finger less than half an inch.


4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 4, 2015 10:34 am

    Reblogged this on cogitations: think twice before u click. . . ..

  2. December 4, 2015 10:35 am

    Abilene, TEXAS: the home of redneck truck drivers. 😡

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