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After Effects

December 23, 2015

I’m not sure which is worse: the cold or the clean up after a cold. And I meant that both literally and figuratively. I haven’t done my laundry or cleaned my room as I’d intended. I’ve just been…blaaargh since Friday and it only got worse over the weekend. Now I’m sitting here and looking at my wreck of a room and I open my closet and see my basket that looks like it’s thrown up all over itself and I’m like Théoden after being released from Saruman’s power and looking around the wreck of my kingdom and wondering what the hell happened. Unfortunately there’s no Wormtongue to blame—just a shitty cold. 

There was a moment last week when I had serious doubts about the path I’m re-forging with someone and I had a thought, ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ But then I came to the realization of who I am. Of what I am: I’m the unstoppable force and I don’t run and I don’t quit. I see my goal and I fight for it. I’m fighting for my weight loss. I’m fighting for my degree. I’m fighting for a friendship. And most of all I’m fighting my anxiety and I’m winning. Through sheer force alone I’ve accomplished so much and I still have much more to accomplish. 

So, whatever my doubts and whatever else I feel, I know I’m going to keep pressing on until something breaks and it won’t be me. Oh yes! I refuse live my life constantly backing down from things—from running from things like a scared little boy. Plus I’m just tired of being boring or seeing myself as boring to other people. It’s been a real limiting factor to a lot of things in my life. So I intend to change it because I’m the Juggarnaut, bitch!

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