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Trusty Trustinstein

January 7, 2016

Last night I had a kind of frank discussion with H-bomb, nothing bad was said, no bombs went off, and we both discussed it maturely. Basically she’s not 100% on where she stands with respects to being close friends any longer. That’s fair enough, but it still stung a little to have it confirmed. It always stings, apparently, to have something like that confirmed. And I understand it.

Am I going to be the asshole I was before or am I truly going to live up to what I’ve told her? For my part, I definitely never plan to hurt her again and I’ll repeat why here: I took stock of what I valued and the people I value and I value her a great deal. Even if nothing really materializes between us, she does mean a lot to me.

But still, with the emailing thing it was easy: She never really replied so I was free to speak openly about any topic or anything else. Now that the reality is here and I got my wish…it feels a little more daunting. How do you regain trust? My other friend put it simply last night: time and positive reinforcement. It still feels like an uphill battle, but one I’m willing to take to prove to H-bomb that I meant every word I’ve ever told her.

Giving up is too easy and I already gave up…it’s why I treated her so horribly when things went bad. Now I’m in a better frame of mind and I don’t plan to give up again on her or me, for that matter. Now back to pushing this here boulder up this here hill.

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