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I Have A Girlfriend Now

March 15, 2016

I know, the Reel Big Fish song. Har-di-har-har…

Anyway…

Yeah…that sounds weird to say. Not because I don’t like her but I never thought I’d ever be able to say that or ever be able to make someone as happy as they make me. Buuut she’s great. It’s only been a week and a day since we’ve become officially a couple, but I enjoy her and she enjoys me. She makes me push myself to be a better person and working on not being so anxious. We had a great weekend that capped off our one weekaversary. Yeah…I mean…there’s not much to say except more variations on how great she is. She makes me not afraid to be me and the anxiety I have had around her has nothing to do with her at all. Just my usual, “I might be dying,” worries. Which seem to have been alleviated by today’s physical going so well.

I can honestly say I haven’t been this happy ever. I smile a lot more, my days haven’t sucked at all. She…connects me to the world in a way no one has done. I didn’t think that was possible. I didn’t even think that would ever happen to me, but I’m  glad it did. I’m happy we mesh so well and get along great. There’s a part of me at the back of my thoughts always going, “This is new, new relationships are always supposed to feel this way at first, right?” Then I remind myself that if things keep going as well as they are now, I have no trouble thinking they won’t stop. Maybe it’s the overly optimistic side of me. I dunno. I don’t see myself becoming a complacent boyfriend like some do at various points.

I think being alone for so long has given me a greater appreciation of the relationships I do have and I only want to make them become stronger. I know what it’s like to truly feel like you’re alone. The fear. The anxiety. The worry that some day I’ll just reach a point where I’m alone forever and what then? Who knows. Now, though, that’s all being washed away and I want to be me again. To reach into that side of myself I’d lost and hopefully it’ll all work out for me and her. Sorry for ending this happiness on a somewhat melancholic note.

I really am happy right now. Just that there is that side of me worrying that I’m going to fuck it all up somehow and that’s where this bit comes from in the sea of positivity.

 

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