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Who Ya Gonna Call? Not Paul Feig, Again

May 19, 2016

I guess since I’ve ridden this turd volcano since the beginning…guess I’ll be doing some more commentary on it. Yesterday James Rolfe let his fans know that he wouldn’t be reviewing this movie. It was the most innocuous thing that’s existed on Youtube short of showing paint dry. But holy shit! The perpetual outrage machine known as Twitter decided to insult him and degrade him and call him a misogynist…for not reviewing a movie. Or pre-judging it. Jesus fucking Christ you people are goddamn idiots.

First off: He’s not obligated to give anything a fair shake–and neither am I. Hell, I fucking LOATHED Avatar for a long time, and yes, I refused to see it on principle. I’m not obligated to give money to stuff I know I won’t like. “How do you know you won’t like it?” Is the inevitable cry of the foolhardy, because I’ve seen the trailer, read the reviews both positive and negative, and it struck me as a movie that I just know I wouldn’t like.

But as the inevitable hype train geared up I grew to hate it. People proclaimed it was a really great story and very innovative. Yeah, it was innovative alright: it found a new way to part people with their money by adding 3D to it. And I really LOVE that time has proven me right with regards to it. Who talks about Avatar these days? Well, I guess you can count me, but other than that…NOBODY. Hell, James Cameron was mercilessly attacked for announcing 4 sequels to it when it’s been all but forgotten.

Secondly: I get sense that the pushback in support of the movie is coming from two sources 1) people paid to give it favorable by the studio and 2) feminists and SJW’s that desperately want this movie to succeed because…girlpower? Regardless of whether any of that is true or not, that’s what this is feeling like. Oh and femibros who want to score points with women by sticking up for a female led movies. Yeah, I linked to my contribution to the common lexicon.

I feel I must disclose that I was never going to give this movie a fair shake to begin with. Ever since the beginning I thought the four female Ghostbusters idea was a gimmick and time has only proven me right in that regard. The fact that so many feminists, SJW’s, and femibros are rabidly defending this film shows that the gimmick worked. But here’s the big secret: This movie’s about as empowering to women as being in the kitchen. Shhhh!

What I mean by that is that this is piggybacking on something that was already established rather than something original. In truth I have nothing against the idea of a female led movie any more than I have against a minority led movie. My issue is about the tone of the project. Ever since its announcement the tone has been about bringing the tumblr and twitter crowd in by selling it as a ‘girl power’ movie or a movie that ‘strikes back against the patriarchy’ and I have a feeling that when the tone of your project starts out with that as its basis that it’s doomed to failure.

I eagerly await the $180 million dollar opening weekend that quickly drops to the bottom of the ocean within a week. I’m not saying this movie won’t make money. Hell, the controversy alone will get people curious about it, but if you’re only looking to make a buck then it will do well in that respect. As far as being a good product? Well, if everything I’ve read is true and have seen from the trailer…yeah…no. It’s going to suck super monkey balls. I also find it insulting that they would try to tug at our nostalgia for this dreck rather than make an original movie.

Again, I feel I must reiterate: this has nothing to do with them being women. My girlfriend has gotten me into Grace And Frankie and I am sooooooo not the audience for that show, but funny is funny whether it’s for its intended audience or not. Even The Force Awakens didn’t bother me with their female lead, nor does Rogue One. This is completely about artistic merit and me finding it has none and it stars some female comics I just don’t find funny. And hey! That’s fine. My sense of humor is different. I also think Melissa McCarthy is a fat lady minstrel act. Yeah, you read me!

I liked her on Mike & Molly, but damn…her movies trade on her weight. A lot. The joke is she’s fat! Get it?! Oh hardi-har-har! Now, maybe her role is different in this movie. I won’t be seeing it so if it is…feel free to tell me. But I can guarantee you that there’s at least one joke that references her weight. And Kristen Wiig is just…bland. So, so, so bland. And Leslie Jones….DO YOU LIKE ALL OF YOUR LINES SHOUTED AT YOU?! IS SHE STREET ENOUGH?! Seriously…tone it down a bit. Learn some subtlety and then get back to acting.

The absolutely only part that kind of got me to at least ponder laughing at the trailer was Leslie Jones’ character with the dragon on her shoulders and her not yelling her lines. Seriously, that bit had potential. But the rest? Egads. If it’s an anti-humor movie then bravo, because I didn’t find it funny one bit. It did not make me have the impetus to say, “Maybe I will see it,” it just confirmed to me what a bad idea this was and still is.

To me the whole thing just doesn’t feel…earned. If that makes sense. Say what you will about the Robocop remake, it at least earned a modicum of respect from me and some others. It paid homage to the original in small ways and also tried to put a different spin on it. Then there’s Dredd which is…a..reboot? Remake? Either way, it took its concept and made something fresh out of it. This seems to be trying to hit the same beats but with women! Oh my! How original. Seriously, this will try and fail to hit the same beats as the original with its own twist on it. Except…not really.

See, the concept of having someone pull in spirits from the other side is exactly ripped from the original. Only except they’ll show the baddie this time! Except…even that idea isn’t original. Dana’s apartment functioned exactly the same way as this ‘ghost magnifier’ bullshit. As for seeing the baddie? Paul Ruebens was originally going to be Gozer. They say ‘building architect’ but I’m pretty sure that Gozer would be taking the form of Evo Shandor. So much for originality! And Leslie Jones’ character being street, I know enough has been said about it, but goddamn….even Ernie Hudson (Winston Zeddmore) got to be a doctor of sorts eventually. And he wasn’t fucking hired because of his knowledge of the fucking street.

This is GINO (Ghostbusters In Name Only) and a huge disservice to people with dissenting opinions by labeling any sort of dissent as misogyny. It has shown me the kind of world that social media feminists and femibros want for us all though: dissent must be crushed! All forms of it. Seriously, this strikes me as someone eating a bowl of shit and telling everyone else that it’s ice cream. Then when people balk at the suggestion they’re accused of not liking ice cream. No. It’s not that we don’t like ice cream–or women–for that matter, it’s that it’s a terrible movie and it looks like shit. Consequently this is why I don’t join crazy little cults, cliques, or groups because if I did I’d have to lose my goddamn mind in service of their bullshit.

Yeah, you can say, “Not every movie looks great in trailer form,” and that’s a fair point, but for a comedy and showing off the ‘big laughs’ as a way of getting your attention and the ‘laughs’ not even being funny? That’s the worst thing you could say about a comedy! Any comedy. Drama is easy, if drama is bad then it’s just bad. But if a comedy isn’t funny? That’s tremendously bad. It’s even worse because Paul Feig can do comedy. I love Freaks & Geeks, I still laugh my ass off at the US version of The Office. He can direct well. I even find Ski Patrol funny and that is an objectively not good movie. But it still gets a laugh out of me 26 years later. Anyway, these are my thoughts. I feel sorry for James Rolfe the most. He seems like a genuinely decent person who never really asked for his fame but rolled with it anyway and I don’t think he ever asked for this bullshit.

So what have we learned: Dissent isn’t misogyny. This Ghostbusters movie is a flaming ball of ass. And this is the last time I will comment on it before the movie comes out. Also debating whether to lock the comments. We’ll see.


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