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Arrrrghasm: Batteries And Wireless

May 24, 2016

Lately I’m becoming increasingly annoyed by the amount of batteries in my life and how no real solution for extending battery life has made headway. Even the iPhone 6+ with its supposed longer battery life isn’t that long if you have to use it heavily as I had to do all last week. So constantly being at 1% in a jiffy was a huge pain in the ass.

The main annoyance for me is that I actually get it. I get that you can only squeeze so much battery life into one and it’s fucking annoying that no solution has been really all that great except wiring up your system. My biggest annoyance is how short my PS4’s controller’s life is. Guh….that’s annoying. Also annoying: Sony’s charging cable is too short for any sort of gaming with it beyond sitting on your tv. My brother’s ‘solution’ for this fuckery was to buy an extra PS4 controller. Why?! You shouldn’t have to do this if you’ve done anything halfway competently.

Sony’s reliance on bluetooth is the downfall for that shit because bluetooth is the fucking vampire of wireless solutions, to me. To anyone that has a bluetooth device whose battery life isn’t a ball of ass, let me know. In my experience with the magic mouse for Macs and this current PS4 controller…man…that a bunch of donkey dick. I hate it too because your alternatives in that situation are to get new batteries or use that teensy fuck charging cable that was included. Thankyah Sony for including a short wire to charge your gaming controller…because nobody plays with their shit wired. That’s just crazy talk.

Then there’s Apple’s fuckery. I’ll admit that the battery life isn’t too bad, but then you have superfluous shit that drains the battery like your location services and other background processes. So you have to go into your system, shut them off, and pray to whatever god you believe in that you did not forget any because woe be upon your battery life if you did.

Microsoft’s wireless controllers weren’t much better, either, during the Xbox 360 days. Then the battery life decayed to a mere hour or so before you had to put on the charging cable. I hope the decaying life issue is solved eventually because that’s fucking annoying as well. And I can’t get too mad, either. I really can’t, because I know how batteries work. I know that the charge degrades with time in every battery. So my solution: go back to wired. Oh, it may not be pretty and you may end up feeling like you’re living in Brazil, but god…the alternative is for the battery to die and degrade at very inopportune times.

It’s just not worth it and maybe I’m becoming a curmudgeon-y old man here, but at least with a wired controller, mouse, keyboard, etc. you don’t have to constantly buy bullshit batteries and their bullshit lifespan that only gets bullshittier every year because everything now has to be Swiss Army Knife-like in its ability to do things with half of those things being neither things you wanted nor things you asked for.

I never asked for my phone to be creepy stalker-like in its ability to find me. In fact that’s one feature I’d gladly give up if it meant my device had a longer life.

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