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Last Day of 33

July 7, 2016

I’d think of something more creative but ‘eh. So this is it…the end to the year to remember. I finally am getting everything I want and I’m fighting back against my anxiety–mostly. There are some rough bits, like yesterday where I completely flipped my shit and I feel like I had a panic attack, but didn’t panic so much as get royally pissed off. I need to work on that. I think it might just be from stress and my inability to deal with it well besides eat or get irritable. To be fair, I was hungry, tired, and dripping with sweat from walking when I did get pissed off.

Other than that little bit of excitement I think things are going rather well. My relationship with my girlfriend is really strong, H-bomb was wrong about everything, and I have a social life now. I’m really thankful to have found her as she uplifts me and makes me feel better than I would be otherwise. She also gets me out of my apartment and doing things. We just spent last weekend in West Virginia and while I love travel, my anxiety had kept me from doing stuff like that. So jail break!

It’s all been great and I’m thankful she gets me so well and is very understanding of my neuroses and idiosyncrasies. We haven’t had one fight or disagreement over anything and I know it’s still new and all, but I think that’s a good sign. We mesh so well and she’s definitely the bright spot in my universe these days. I also think how well things are going proves H-bomb wrong. When that whole kerfuffle with her was happening she said to me, “I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship without working on you,” I always thought she was wrong, because for me a relationship kind of…grounds me. It keeps my mind from spinning off into terrible places and gives me a purpose for working on myself and making me a better me.

I know that sounds stupid and all, but being solitary was just making me spin my wheels until I could figure things out and where to go from there. And I was never one for joining cults so hey-ho! I dunno. I guess I did work on me a little with the weight loss which…has taken a back seat in recent weeks thanks to all of the holidays, get-togethers, and birthdays. After this week I’m gonna try righting that particular ship and we’re going to do it together. Doesn’t help that I have completely nothing to do until the fall that will keep me busy.

As for my social life, I’ve fallen into pen and paper RP. Which is pretty fun and it allows me to get my creative energy out without me turning it inward and destroying me with anxiety. I’ve played a Bothan spy, a decker, and a patient diddling dentist turned cannibal. I think the cannibal was the most fun, though. Mainly because the character was so unlike me and dark. That was great and the next day I got compliments from the other players for it. That was interesting and a great memory I’ll always cherish.

So! This was 33. Probably the greatest year I’ve had since childhood. Here’s to another year of awesomeness. I’m rather enjoying my 30’s. I don’t feel as awkward with people as I did in my 20’s and even if I am, who gives a shit?

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